Blog Share: July Edition

Today's post is part of Blog Share--a great and wonderful anonymous posting project organized by -R-! While this post was written by an anonymous blogger, I have a post out on the Internet somewhere as well. Enjoy!

The spam-catching program has caught many emails on my behalf. In quotes are some of the more interesting subject lines. Beneath them are my responses.

"We caught you naked in the shower."
Yes, you did. Well played sirs, well played. After assaulting the manager at your Subway franchise for not cleaning the jalapeno peppers properly, I attempted to flee. Unfortunately, I stowed some of the offending veggies in my pants during my hasty retreat. The "heat"caught up with me mere blocks from my home. I thought I could wash the oils from my clothing and body by remaining dressed during the shower, but had to discard my clothing on 1st avenue. You found me. You win.

"Say No to ED!"
I will! I can't stand that he demands that his entire name be spelled in capital letters. How pretentious!

"Reasons for falling hard and fast?"

1. Losing consciousness when diving into a pool.
2. Tying a boulder to your leg and jumping off an overpass when testing whether two objects of different weights will descend at the same rate.
3. Jumping out of a girlfriend's window when aroused and being pursued by her husband.

"Free tickets to Mariah Carey concert."
Please remove from envelope and discard into trash.

"Want to beat your neighbours in love marathon?"
Do you mean my Canadian neighbors? If the marathon is in Toronto, no. Montreal? Absolutely. Moosejaw? I'll get back to you.

Blog Share: Excess Baggage

Today’s post is part of Blog Share and was written by an anonymous writer. To see the other anonymous posts today, see the previous post for a list of links.

There's a topic that I've wanted to blog about for the longest time, because it's something that I think would be healthy for me to write about and put out there. Unfortunately I've not been able to do so for a number of reasons; they all come back to the fact that I've chosen to make my blog a public one. Enter -R-'s Blog Share, and I've now been presented the perfect opportunity.

So here's my secret: When I was seventeen years old, I was raped.

You would not believe how hard it was for me to type that out, because seeing it up there on the screen for people to read is terrifying. There are a whopping two people in this world who I have disclosed this to in real life, and now here I am pronouncing it for the world - albeit a small segment of the world - to see. Thank heavens for remaining nameless.
The person I was seeing at the time was no stranger to me and was someone I cared for deeply. They were older than I was, though not by much. Old enough to make a difference. Old enough to know better. And apparently old enough to deem their wants and needs as being greater than my own.

I'd always been open about my thoughts on sex and the fact that I was not ready. Not once did I ever budge in that respect, and this person was well aware of the fact. Despite it sometimes becoming a quite obvious barrier between us, I fully believed that we were on the same page with it all. One night changed all of that, when the choice was taken away from me. In a way, the ordeal was even harder to deal with because my trust was shattered in one single blow. I don't think I have ever felt quite so empty before in my entire life, and would not wish the feeling on anybody.

There is no way that anyone should have had to go through all of that emotional wreckage, and do it alone. For years I didn't tell a soul, and even now it's not something I choose to put out there and make known. I'm one of the lucky ones though, because shortly after I was able to sever all ties and get away from this person. My heart aches for the people who are not so lucky, and who suffer in silence, alone. It's so easy to feel alone with that burden on your shoulders.

Looking back now, I know I shouldn't have bottled things up, but the stakes were too great. There would have been too much explaining to do, too much awkwardness with friends and family, too many things to deal with that to be honest? At seventeen years old, I simply could not deal with it all. All these years later though, it's still excess baggage that I carry inside of me, always lurking in the back of mind. Despite moving on and being able to trust again, I'm still wary of being taken advantage of - not in a physical sense, but in all aspects of my life.

My secret is out now; and I trust that you will be able to keep it that way for me.

Am I Anonymous Yet?

Today's guest poster will remain anonymous.

When I first saw -R-'s post about the Blog Share my immediate thought was, "Oh, hell no. No one will be writing on my blog but ME." But eventually (and perhaps inevitably) I started ruminating on how it could be fun to write in someone else's space, and how if they were willing to let me post my crazy and ridiculous thoughts for their readers then I should not feel badly about reciprocating. For me, the hardest part about letting go of a post is the feeling that somehow I have been negligent in my duties, that I am not keeping up my end of the bargain. And how many people are actually concerned when I do not post? Excluding myself, probably a big fat zero. So I am choosing to view this as an exercise in FUN, in capital letters- and here we go! Are you excited yet?

I thought for sure with the list of blogs lined up for the Blog Share that I would definitely find myself writing for someone whose blog I already frequented, someone that I felt I already knew fairly well, someone that I stalked read on an almost daily basis. But lo and behold, there was at least one blog that I had not yet discovered, and I found myself poring through archived posts trying to get a feel for who this KM person is. I found lots of great stuff: she is funny and sweet and intelligent. She is a bowler (I am the worst bowler ever, in real life and on the Wii) and she admires Julia Stiles's hair (so do I!). And while I found all this reading enlightening and enjoyable it made me realize that I am not here to compare our similarities and differences. What is this, Introduction to Critical Analysis 101? No. I am here to write an anonymous post, and dammit, that is what I'm going to do.

I've always found the idea of posting anonymously a bit absurd, possibly because I am narcissistic and believe that everyone should be as fascinated by my life as I am, possibly because I don't have many deep, dark secrets hiding in my soul that I need to share. It seems counterintutive to me to have a blog and yet not want people to know about you, yet I, too, am frequently drawn the sweet and dark anonymity of blogs like Post Secret. But there are definitely a few things that I would not be comfortable publishing on my own blog and this seems like a good place to store those thoughts.

* I have finally decided that I do want a marriage and children. It took a long time for me to get to that place and sometimes it makes me nervous to think about wanting something that might not ever happen. My life as it is is happy and content, I would hate to have something so important to me throw a monkey wrench into the works. I want him to want what I want. I want us to be on the same page. I don't know what I'll do if we don't end up there together.
* I feel as though I have to work harder than most people to overcome obstacles. I am sometimes feel resentful that I was born with my genetic makeup, a propensity towards being overweight, heart disease, high blood pressure, a quick temper, and stubbornness. I keep telling myself I do not have to be any of those things. I am better than that. I can change things. Most days it works. Some days it does not.
* I wish I could tell my parents I love them more frequently without them thinking it was because I was on my deathbed.
* I do not believe I am that great of a writer. I wish I was.
* Lately I have been considering a large shift in the nature of my work. There are many aspects of this that need to be weighed out: money, vacation, feeling as though I am doing good works, etc. Thankfully, I am in no rush to change, but it has been on my mind.

Wow. I feel surprisingly great that I could share some of these things and not have to answer to a flurry of concerned or surprised emails from people I know. Maybe I'll do this more often! Or you know, not. Because it is kind of stressful writing for someone else. And I already miss posting on my own blog.

A very big thank you to KM for hosting today. I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did.