Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Blog Share: July Edition

Today's post is part of Blog Share--a great and wonderful anonymous posting project organized by -R-! While this post was written by an anonymous blogger, I have a post out on the Internet somewhere as well. Enjoy!

The spam-catching program has caught many emails on my behalf. In quotes are some of the more interesting subject lines. Beneath them are my responses.

"We caught you naked in the shower."
Yes, you did. Well played sirs, well played. After assaulting the manager at your Subway franchise for not cleaning the jalapeno peppers properly, I attempted to flee. Unfortunately, I stowed some of the offending veggies in my pants during my hasty retreat. The "heat"caught up with me mere blocks from my home. I thought I could wash the oils from my clothing and body by remaining dressed during the shower, but had to discard my clothing on 1st avenue. You found me. You win.

"Say No to ED!"
I will! I can't stand that he demands that his entire name be spelled in capital letters. How pretentious!

"Reasons for falling hard and fast?"
  1. Losing consciousness when diving into a pool.
  2. Tying a boulder to your leg and jumping off an overpass when testing whether two objects of different weights will descend at the same rate.
  3. Jumping out of a girlfriend's window when aroused and being pursued by her husband.
"Free tickets to Mariah Carey concert."
Please remove from envelope and discard into trash.

"Want to beat your neighbours in love marathon?"
Do you mean my Canadian neighbors? If the marathon is in Toronto, no. Montreal? Absolutely. Moosejaw? I'll get back to you.


-R- said...

Why the competitiveness for the French Canadians? =)

lizgwiz said...

Hey, they've found me naked in the shower, too. They really get around.

L Sass said...

I'll take the Mariah Carey tix, if only for the snark value.

Another Blog Share Participant said...

I don't understand why this was an anonymous post, but Blog Share inspires all sorts of topics, I suppose!

Also, I'm trying to decide if that's a marathon I'd want to be in or not. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I think that the jalapeno-theft and subsequent nude arrest might warrant some anonymity.

seven said...

That was for real? That's a hilarious thing if it is. :)

nancypearlwannabe said...

Those are better than mine. I get a lot for "adult diaper video" and "tube steaks". Sigh.

Noelle said...

Oh, if I could look every spammer in the eye and spit on them...

Courtney said...

I think that rule about different objects falling at the same rate only applies if you're on the moon. Oddly enough, that's the only place I'd go see a Mariah Carey concert.

JR said...

This is the funniest damn thing I've read in a damn long time. My dog seems concerned that I've lost my mind, what with the snorting and laughing.