Who I'm Not

I'm not single or tall.
I'm not a man or a parent or even a godparent.
I'm not a cat lover or chocolate lover.
I don't like Caribou Coffee or Red Lobster.
I'm not a vegetarian.
I'm not funny, but I try to be.
I’ve never lived by myself.
I'm not self-employed, unemployed or a homemaker.
I don't wear navy, orange or brown, or a lot of green or yellow.
I don't bite my nails or get manicures.
I don't like socks.
I don't mind being considered 'the girl next door.'
I'm not a republican, singer, 'cake-eater' or bus rider.
I’m not big-breasted or flat-chested.
I don't own a SUV.
I'm not sad, flakey or tight-lipped.
I’m neither rich nor poor.
I don’t watch the local news.
I don’t really watch the news at all.
I still don’t like Macy’s. (RIP Marshall Field's.)
I don’t use my home phone.
I don’t have blue eyes or wear contacts.
I’ve never been to Mexico, cheated on a partner or watched Dawson’s Creek.
I don’t carry cash or wear a watch.
I don’t work out as much as I’d like to.
I don’t initiate conversation very often or very well.

So who am I? Ask me a question.
I don’t hide much.